Vulnerability isn’t a weakness
This year was the first time in my adult life I resisted harboring emotions, pushing through them allowed me to feel whatever emotions I was going through. This caused me to just be stuck. I even started seeing a therapist. There were days I experienced tons of sadness. I even cried several times, something I don’t ever really do. Part of the reason I think it’s been so hard to allow myself to be viewed as a vulnerable female is that I want to dispel the notion that females are emotional and can’t think without their feelings being involved. I’ve learned that it’s ok to be emotional. I always put on this facade that I’m a “savage” but in reality that’s just the perception I want people to have of me. I think if I’m perceived as a weak person people will walk all over me. I’ve learned I’m human and being emotional is unavoidable, it’s human nature. This doesn’t only apply to females but stands for men as well.
Think Rationally not emotionally
After reading tons of books and listening to a few podcasts on this subject I’ve finally put this concept into practice and can I just say, my life has been on an upward journey of productivity ever since. I know how hard it is to not take things personally in our day to day lives from a rude encounter with the barista to an arrogant consumer. I’ve learned that everyone is fighting their demons and battles. In “13 things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do” Morphin expands on the view of “controlling your emotions so they don’t control you. The more emotional you feel, the less rational you’ll think. We make our best decisions in life when we balance our emotions with rational thinking.” There were multiple times this year when I let my emotions get the best of me, professionally and personally. One thing I’m doing differently is not responding to my feelings. I resorted to shouting and degrading a person due to getting caught up in my emotional response to my ill-treatment. In reality, people have bad days sometimes and maybe unconscious of their behavior. I’ve also learned the time it takes to process conflict is relative, and instead of jumping down people’s throats, I can help by providing perspective.
I finally came to terms with being a perfectionist. Some people characterize it as being “extra” or ” doing the most”, I just like execute all I do as perfectly as possible. Initially, I grappled with this being a weakness but after some cognitive therapy exercises, I realized it’s only a weakness if you allow it to be. Part of the reason I want things to be perfect is my fear of failure. After going through a professional experience earlier this year I realized it’s ok to not be perfect and if you fail, so what! There will always be another opportunity to try again. It seems like this is a recurring theme in my life. In my twenties, I also got caught up in being a perfectionist.
Do more of what makes you Happy
After weeks of sadness, I needed to figure out how to get myself back to a happy place. I no longer was writing or reading since I was playing catch up at work and just wanted to do nothing when I got home. I knew what would make me happy would be just spending time with myself. I needed to create a balance to overcome burnout. I made it a point to at least try and extend my weekends and do whatever it is that I wanted to do. This involved me dating myself, cleaning my home, and just sitting STILL. Something that I don’t do enough off. I also made sure I spent time with my friends and family. I took a few weeks off of social media just to be present. Moving into 2020 I plan on continuing this routine whether it’s just staying at home reading or just being lazy.
What are some things that you learned in 2019?